I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
