Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ugly people sure do ruin things
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
