the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
