somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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