I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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