Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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