this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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