that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
