I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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