its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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