Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
