Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
