I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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