I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
