she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
