Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize