She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
