mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
