i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
