Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They have beer where we have blood.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
