Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
