New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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