At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
