I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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