her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
