I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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