when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
