I want to have your abortion
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
