I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
