some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
smell my finger.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
