Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
