I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
