We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
