i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
