my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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