I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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