Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
