Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The air was thick with penises
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
