yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
