They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
