I feel like I'm in dance class right now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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