A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
