Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
