Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
