Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
