I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
