omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
