During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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