My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
