she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
