I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
