im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
