it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
