Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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