Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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